New Discoveries - not very good ones either

The last six months have been really rough on my father who is the sole caretaker of my mother - well at least until this last month. In January, he had emergency eye surgery to take care of a seriously torn retina. He has had issues with blood sugar as he is a brittle diabetic. In late June, he fell off a ladder. A few days later, he went into massive seizures and was placed in ICU. He broke his arm and dislocated his shoulder during the fall. He then had to have emergency gall bladder removal. The surgeon said he even had gangrene in his gall bladder and it was the second largest this surgeon has ever removed. Today, he had his shoulder repair surgery.

My discoveries? Well I have been aware that my father ALWAYS doted on my mother and took care of her. She is not doing well in taking care of him however. She says that she is in a fibro flare and is incapable of taking care of him. She is all kinds of pitiful. As I am going through all of this, I am realizing that she is truly a narcissist in every sense of the word and always has been. This situation has opened my eyes and caused me to research narcissism more thoroughly and I have discovered a great deal about why I am the way I am. Ugh. If only I had noticed this 30 years ago. I might be a stronger person by now.

How the heck do you keep from allowing resentment to build? How do you get rid of resentment once it’s there? I am just over it already. Unfortunately, this is the beginning of my journey…

I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. I hope that your dad’s recovery goes smoothly. Resentment is not uncommon when caregiving. If you are caring for your mom and dad at this point in time physically, take a break, maybe see if you can hire someone to fill in. If it’s the emotional caregiving, I would encourage you to speak with a therapist to help you process this.

I don’t know your situation, in terms of the dynamics. What I DO hear is that you are looking for support, and we are definitely here for you.

Sharon from ModSupport

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You definitely have a lot on your plate! I believe that knowledge is power and experience is the best teacher. Now that you have this new knowledge try turning it into a positive. You are in control (it may not feel like it, but you are). There is support here to help with your journey and you may want to seek out resources in your area for support as well. Perhaps an adult day care, or someone to come in help. Some places offer companions on an hourly basis.

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Thank you both. It means so much to me.